Pandorum (2009): Asleep in space

To call Pandorum dull isn’t quite adequate.  A more sufficient description might be excruciating.  I’ve rarely sat through a less entertaining film.  In a way, that fact seems almost unjust, as Pandorum has a passable, if somewhat clichéd story, compelling visuals, and a capable cast led by the likable Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster.  The pair play Lt. Payton and commander Bower, respectively, two astronauts who are part of a deep-space mission to send some 60,000 souls to propagate a far-off, earth-like planet called Tanis.  The earth, it seems, has been ravaged by overpopulation and war.  These 60,000 people represent ‘humanity’s last hope.’

As the film opens the pair are reawakening from deep hyper-sleep and can’t remember much—a side effect of hyper-sleep.  The ship is dark, seemingly abandoned and without power; the two must struggle through amnesia to recall the mission as well as their identities and pasts.  Their identities come first; the remainder unfolds in a boring, strung-together narrative that's rife with rip-offs of several other sci-fi hits, including Aliens, Resident Evil, Battlestar Galactica and others.  Bower and Payton aren’t alone on the ship after all.  Not only are several people still alive, but the ship has somehow become infested by cannibalistic albino monsters with black eyes and razor teeth.  Oddly enough, these monsters have a fashion sense that recalls the film The Road Warrior.

Turns out, those monsters are actually former ship passengers who’ve evolved from technology designed to help propogate Tanis—or some such nonsense.  Ultimately, the film becomes a ‘race against time’ to repower the ship, keep it from exploding and reach Tanis before the monsters eat everybody.  By the time the ending rolled around, with its yawn-inducing twists, I was too asleep to care.  I was tempted to walk out of this film but the sheer badness kept me glued in place.  See this film at your own peril; it's memorably bad stuff.

Score 2/10

Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Cam Gigandet, Antje Traue, Cung Le
Directed by: Christian Alvart